Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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