Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
