nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Watching her eat just hurts me
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
