booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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