Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
