I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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