He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
