He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
