i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
