I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
