I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
