Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
