I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
