oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
