Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
