Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
