It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
