is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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