I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
