I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
