why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
