A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize