and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
