Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
