He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
