Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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