I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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