What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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