You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hippo gnu deer
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
