I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
