Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
