You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize