And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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