I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
