Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
