So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
