Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
