I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
