i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it's like iHOP with fire
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How does one acquire holy water?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize