So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
