R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
