I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
