i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
