I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
