Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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