my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
