I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
