Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
