Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
