Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
