i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
