glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
