My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
