its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize