My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
