My friends, they love my intelligence
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
