Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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