Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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