If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You need Xanax blowdarts
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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