WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
