did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
