cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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