Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
