hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
