I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So here I am, sexting at work.
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