we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
