i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
