What a fucking waste of an outfit
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
