So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
