I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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