Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
